Our Story: From 30% Compatibility to Teammates

When people tell us, “We’re total opposites, maybe this just can’t work,” we smile — because we were that couple.

When we got married in 2011, every indicator said we shouldn’t make it:

• We were 180° opposite in personality, communication, and processing.
• Nicole had endured infidelity in her previous marriage, which meant deep distrust, even though I (Michael) had always been trustworthy.
• I grew up in a stoic, task-only home where emotions weren’t valued… while Nicole came from a warm, expressive family where emotions led the conversation.
• I processed internally, she processed verbally.
• I needed structure; structure made her feel trapped.
• Even the blankets on the bed were a battleground — tucked vs. untucked.
• Our church made us take a marriage compatibility assessment… and the result came back 30% compatible in how we think, feel, and operate in the world.

To make it even more chaotic?

I went from being completely single…
→ to married with two step-kids (ages 11 & 15)…
→ living in a new house…
→ working my first career job under her ex-husband and his new wife (my referral source in the medical field).

No friends. No support system. No roadmap.
And I was failing badly — as a husband, as a stepdad, and as a communicator.

Everything turned into a fight.
We loved each other, but we couldn’t reach each other.

So how did we turn it around?

Not with counseling (we tried; it didn’t fix the root).
Not with “just communicate more” (that made it worse).

We rebuilt our marriage by learning:

How our personalities were wired

So conflict wasn’t personal anymore — it was predictable.

What each of us needed in communication

Nicole needed connection, warmth, and emotional safety.
I needed clarity, space, time to process, and structure.

EQ skills to regulate conflict instead of escalating it

We learned what to do when tension rose, and how to come back into unity quickly.

How to recognize when we were stepping on each other’s core fears

Nicole’s fear: disconnection.
Mine: criticism and “doing it wrong.”
Once we understood that, everything changed.

How to work with a mentor who translated our differences into strengths

This was the game-changer. It gave us a roadmap so we weren’t shooting in the dark.

The result?

We went from “I don’t know if this will last”
→ to a marriage built on trust, safety, friendship, and deep respect.

We can talk about anything.
We feel seen, heard, and valued.
Our home is peaceful.
And our differences — the ones that once tore us apart — are now what make us a powerhouse team.

This is exactly the process we use to help couples today.

From Roommates-in-a-Rut to Real Connection Again

When Rich reached out, he wasn’t trying to save a marriage that was falling apart —
he just wanted to feel close to his wife again.

But they were stuck in a pattern they couldn’t see:

Years of long workdays had pushed their relationship into a task-based rhythm. Donna spent hours at home wanting connection and adult conversation.

He’d walk through the door exhausted…and instead of reconnecting, he’d be met with:

“Did you take the garbage out?”
“Did you sweep the floor?”
“Did you pick up the thing I told you this morning?”

Not because she wanted to nag —but because tasks were the only place they were still interacting.

He wanted 30 minutes of silence to decompress.
She wanted 30 minutes of conversation to reconnect.

She was lonely.
He was drained.

Neither of them was wrong.
But their patterns were completely misaligned.

And they were drifting into a roommate partnership instead of a marriage.

The real problem?
They were both giving love in the way they personally felt loved, but their needs were completely different.

So frustration crept in and they kept missing each other — even though their intentions were good.

After going through our program Rich and Donna learned:

✔ Why he needed 30 minutes to decompress before he could be emotionally present
✔ Why she felt distant when she couldn't share about her day
✔ How their different personality styles affected connection
✔ How to stop triggering each other’s stress responses
✔ How to set rhythms that worked for both of them

Once they recognized the patterns, everything shifted.

Their marriage didn’t magically become perfect— no marriage does.
But it became connected, curious, and collaborative again.

• Tension stopped turning into conflict so quickly
• Connection became a natural rhythm, not a rare moment
• They understood each other’s emotional wiring
• Disagreements ended faster, with less damage
• They finally felt like partners again — not roommates

Rich said something we hear from couples all the time:

“Once we understood the patterns behind our fights, we stopped fighting each other and started fighting for each other.”

That’s the exact kind of breakthrough couples experience with our Marriage Turnaround Program™.

Stopped Feeling Attacked — and Started Feeling Connected Again

Tim was a high-performing business owner carrying the weight of a family legacy on his shoulders.
Long days. Big decisions. Heavy responsibility.

By the time he got home, he was drained.

Most afternoons, he needed a short nap just to reset before being able to keep going.
His wife saw it differently — she was working too, and to her it looked like he was checking out.

Comments like:

• “Oh, taking a nap already?”
• “Must be nice…”
• “You’re eating again?”

hit him as criticism, even when she didn’t intend them that way.

And this dynamic wasn’t new.
He was raised to believe your value equals your productivity.

So when his wife said anything that even resembled “you’re not doing enough,” it touched an old wound.
He’d shut down.
She’d feel unheard.
And they’d drift into frustration, misinterpretation, and distance.

The Real Pattern

Tim’s style: linear, task-oriented, goal-driven.
His wife’s style: people-oriented, expressive, conversational, spontaneous

For him, connection happened after responsibilities were met.
For her, connection happened through talking, sharing, and experiencing things together.

Neither of them was wrong.
But for years, they were speaking two completely different emotional languages based on their personality styles.

What Changed

Through coaching, Tim began to see:

✔ His wife’s comments weren’t attacks — they were signals for connection
✔ His emotional reactions were rooted in old patterns of shame and pressure
✔ His wife's needs weren’t “extra work” — they were invitations to closeness
✔ His mind went straight from A → B… while her path zig-zagged with connection woven into the journey
✔ Their differing money stories were fueling conflict (he found safety in saving; she found connection through shared experiences)

And then a breakthrough moment happened:

Tim met with a financial expert and realized…
he wasn’t “on the edge.”
He was more than secure.

For the first time, he could breathe.
He could stop protecting every dollar like his worth depended on it.

This opened the door to say “yes” to trips, experiences, and memories — things that made his wife feel loved and brought them closer.

At the same time, Tim learned to:

• pause instead of reacting,
• listen for the need behind the words,
• stop interpreting comments as personal criticism,
• and communicate from emotional awareness instead of defensiveness.

His wife learned his decompression rhythm; Tim learned her connection rhythm.

Once they understood their personality patterns, the tension softened.
The emotional triggers quieted.
The conversations changed.

The Result

Their marriage didn’t become perfect — but it became peaceful, connected, and deeply respectful.

• Disagreements resolved faster
• Emotional safety increased
• Criticism stopped feeling personal
• Conversations became meaningful instead of stressful
• They began sharing experiences instead of avoiding them
• They started seeing life through each other’s eyes

Tim summed it up perfectly:

“Understanding her style helped me stop feeling attacked — and finally hear what she was really saying.”

And that’s exactly the kind of breakthrough couples experience with the Marriage Turnaround Program™.